10 Things You Can Do to Stop Thinking About Your Ex-10 Things You Can Do to Stop Thinking About Your ExSo, that’s what occurred. Another relationship has ended. And, as much as you’d like to be able to snap your fingers and forget about your phone’s “Do Not Text” contacts, getting over someone is far easier said than done. (Even after you looked up “how to hex your ex” on Google.)
Sure, you can erase their photos, delete their texts, and ban them on social media, but that isn’t the difficult part. It’s a different storey to get them out of your head.
Maybe you’re scratching your head, trying to figure out what went wrong. Perhaps you’re revisiting your most recent sex experience over and over. Whatever it is, there’s no doubting that the most difficult part of a breakup is often being unable to stop thinking about the person who caused the breakup.
While I wish I could give you a step-by-step guide on how to entirely remove this person from your mind, the truth is that there isn’t one. Feelings of love, or even just a deep “Like” for someone, don’t just go overnight. That isn’t to say you can’t do something about it.
To help, we sought breakup professionals including dating gurus, sexologists, novelists, and even a psychic for advice on how to quit thinking about someone—and believe me, they delivered. While these may not totally clear your thoughts, they should at least allow you to start moving on. Just keep in mind that time cures all wounds.
1.Distract yourself to the point where you’re too preoccupied to think about them.(10 Things You Can Do to Stop Thinking About Your Ex)
This is maybe the most obvious, but it’s true: redirecting that energy into creating something new is one of the finest ways to stop thinking about someone.
“A new project can not only serve as a distraction, but it can also expose previously unknown talents,” explains Bianca Williams, author of the romance series Sidelined. “Dig deep and use your emotional connection to that someone fire you, whether you’re writing a book, inventing a new app, or finally launching that new company plan you’ve been dreaming about.” It’s possible that it will take you to your goal.
2.Set some ground rules for yourself.
To be clear, you have complete control over where your mind travels and what you think about. But it’s a lot easier to do when you’ve established boundaries with your ex.
“Make it very clear what you need and don’t need from your ex early on in the breakup phase to make moving ahead more comfortable,” says Vanessa Russell, a dating specialist and writer for Women’s Health Interactive. “Let them know whether you don’t want them to call/text or if they can call/text under specific circumstances.”
She also recommends figuring out how to tell other shared friends or close family members, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. “Doing so will keep you on the same page, and if they keep their half of the bargain and you keep yours,” she says, “it will gradually disappear from your memory and allow you the time you need to recover and grow.”
3.Allow yourself to feel sad, upset, enraged, or anything else you choose.
You may be inclined to keep it all within and keep your cool, but professional therapist Oddesty K Langham advises the opposite. “It’s critical to allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with a breakup or a connection with another person,” adds Langham. “We should always acknowledge our feelings and grieve in a healthy and safe manner if necessary.” Then we should start letting it go, which means continuing on with our lives and pursuing our goals.”
You may realise that you have nothing left to feel or replay in your head once you’ve allowed yourself to truly feel everything.
4.Accept that you may still have feelings for this individual, and that’s perfectly fine.
I’m sure we all wish we could just stop caring about someone after a breakup, but we all know that’s not how human emotions work. Brenda Wade, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Online For Love, thinks it’s fine to still love your ex.
“Love is the greatest gift in life, and when love enters your life, you can never go wrong.” But it’s important to realise that love alone isn’t always enough to make a relationship succeed “she explains. “Moving on from a relationship, however, does not always mean that the love you feel has to disappear. The only way to let go is to love someone enough to desire the best for him or her, even if that means being apart.”
To put it another way, after you stop berating yourself for still caring about them, you might be able to stop thinking about them totally.
5.Allow yourself to indulge in all forms of self-care.
“Soak yourself in a bathtub filled with water and epsom salt to relax and rejuvenate,” says Vaishali Nikhade, a psychic whose readings are largely about relationships “she explains. This should assist in “”Clear away any unpleasant thoughts, feelings, or energy that you can’t seem to let go of.”
She confirms that thereafter, you’ll feel lighter (and hopefully less bothered over your ex). You can also indulge in other enjoyable self-care activities such as a massage, a new skin care routine, or a bubble bath.
6.In some circumstances, you may need to get closure.
I can promise you that closure is a made-up concept that will not bring you serenity 99.99 percent of the time. The majority of the time, nothing your ex says will make you feel better. It will only add to the length of time it takes for you to heal.
But, as Acamea Deadwiler, author of Single That: Dispelling the Top 10 Myths of the Single Woman, points out, “occasionally we can’t stop thinking about someone because there are unsolved concerns and things we need to say to them.”
Without ever mailing it, write a long letter to your ex detailing how you feel, why you’re hurt, what you wanted from them, and so on. Sometimes all you need is to write everything down as though you’re actually talking to this individual. It may also be beneficial to speak with a counsellor or therapist rather than your ex to help you sort out your issues.
But, if you really, truly need to talk to your ex and work out the details of your breakup (again, tread carefully), Deadwiler says it can be beneficial to do so. And it’s worth it if you know it’ll give you a clearer conscience and a lighter heart.
7,Reconnect with your true self.
You can get so caught up in avoiding thinking about your ex that you forget to focus about yourself. However, giving yourself the same amount of attention you would offer them may help you clear your mind.
“Grab your calendar or planner and develop a list of activities you enjoy doing alone or with friends and family,” advises K.S. Lewis. “Begin from the beginning and’make a date’ with yourself to complete each and every task. This is a perfect time to try a new restaurant, binge-watch your favourite show, relax at a spa, or take an online culinary class.” Before you know it, you’ll be too engrossed in your self-care to pay attention to anything else.”
8,Again, write everything down.
Writing, as previously stated, is critical to getting rid of the thoughts in your head. Pouring your thoughts out into paper might also help you empty your mind of certain concepts.
“Place some excellent music on, grab yourself a glass of your favourite wine, and start writing.” “It’s remarkable how much better you feel once you start allowing yourself to accept the thought, feel the emotion, and write it down,” explains matchmaker Jaida Pervis.
By the way, jotting down thoughts in your Notes tab is just as helpful if you’re not a “writing” type.
9.Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to recover quickly from the breakup.
“Regardless of the length of your relationship, getting over someone who has been a part of every aspect of your life can be difficult,” says clinical sexologist Rachel Sommer, PhD, co-founder of My Sex Toy Guide. “As a result, allow yourself permission to grieve without setting time restrictions, have someone on fast dial, and turn your emphasis to self-care and personal improvement.”
You’ll only think about someone more if you focus too much on why it’s taking so long to quit thinking about them.
10.Remove anything that reminds you of them from your life.
You’ll have to get rid of things that remind you of someone if you want to quit thinking about them. “Triggers that remind us of a real experience, an individual, a past incident” originate our thoughts, according to psychotherapist Nicholas Hardy. (This might be a restaurant, a specific gym, clothing, or presents.) “Regardless, with not thinking about someone, being deliberate about distancing oneself from continual reminders is really important.”
Keep in mind that we’re not suggesting you skip your favourite restaurant just because you once dined with your ex. However, it might be beneficial to your mental health if you avoided driving by your ex’s gym at the same time they go every day.