In today’s fastest world most common question is how to be happy?
If there’s one common thing that everyone wants it’s how to be happy we are always wondering.
Secrets to how to be happy life?
A luxurious life can make you happy yet others propose minimalism having less as the solution to being happy some say relationships can make you happy and others say that a life of meaning and purpose is the way to find your happiness.Some people says
How does one lead a happy life a million dollar question.
Here’s a short story for explaining this.
During an party someone asked one of the spouses in the audience does your husband make you happy everyone was all years as her husband waited for her spots showing complete confidence on his face he knew that his wife would say an assertive yes because truly she had never complained about anything during their married life.
He and everyone else around was utterly shocked when his wife answered the question with a resounding no no my husband does not make me happy the husband was baffled but his wife continued my husband never made me happy and he does not make me happy it is not his responsibility to make me happy.
I’m happy or not is dependent but on me I am the only person at home my happiness depends I choose to be happy in every situation and every moment of my life for if my happiness depended on another person thing or circumstance.
I would be disappointed when they do not reciprocate with my expectations everything in life constantly keeps changing people can change our socio-economic and stages can change our body changes our physical and mental health changes the climate changes sometimes bosses change everything is changing in the world.
Everyone in the party intently listened as the lady continued trust me I need to decide to be happy regardless of whatever happens externally whether I own a lot or little I decide to be happy whether I’m going out of staying home alone.
I decide to be happy whether I am rich or poor I have decided to be happy I’m married but I was also happy when I was single enjoying that life as well I have decided to be happy for myself.
I love my life not because my life is easier than anyone elses but because I’ve decided to be happy as an individual yes I am responsible for my own happiness my husband is indeed amazing he loves me he does everything in his capacity to keep me happy but when I take this obligation of his having to make me happy away from my husband or for that matter from anyone else.
I freed them from the burden to take the responsibility to make me happy it makes everyone’s life so much lighter ladies and gentleman I was inspired by this lady’s speech who said happiness is our responsibility and surely we have make their choice every moment never give away the control of your happiness to anyone or anything else.
Tips for how to be happy :
We always wanted everything outside to be perfect. But everything outside cannot be perfect. There is only one thing which can be perfect and that one thing is?
So there are two things – when is situation (paristhiti) and other is my state of mind (Swa ki sthiti) My equation of life became – As is the situation, so will be my state of mind. The situation fluctuated, my state of mind also fluctuated. This happened repeatedly.
So what happened to my happiness throughout the day?
It fluctuated. And then because there was a new situation every few minutes, My state of mind started fluctuating every few minutes. Within a few days we started to believe Stress is natural. What was it supposed to be? What was supposed to be natural? Happiness was supposed to be natural.
So now let’s see – suppose happiness is represented by a straight line A situation came, and happiness fluctuated. Another situation came and happiness fluctuated. Again something happened and happiness fluctuated.
Situations kept coming and happiness kept fluctuating. So throughout the day, we did not one experience the straight line. When you ask somebody when was the last time you were happy, they will think.
You know when… What had happened…
The day I came first in my exams in college. When was that? 5 years back. That how we start talking – the day my daughter got married. That’s not happiness. Those were important days of my life. Yes. But if somebody asks you when was the last time you were happy When is it supposed to be? I am happy NOW. Not event-specific. So happiness means when I am stable.
Situation may be turbulent but state of mind is stable. It means I am happy. And one who is not happy Is looking for certain things outside, throughout the day For something to happen so that I am feeling nice. And then we ask people – do something so that I will feel nice.
Appreciate me. Bought a new dress, wore it and went to a party. They walk in, but nobody is looking at them, nobody is saying anything about their dress. So they initiate a conversation and told someone else – your dress is very nice.
This is how we have become – wanting and asking. Appreciate me, because till you appreciate me I am not feeling nice. This is a sign that our battery has become absolutely weak.
- And then somebody tells – your dress is very good. And then they feel so good.
- And then one more person said – very nice colour, very nice dress.
- And then I went to the person and asked – what have you worn?
- This is not looking nice on you at all. So what happens to the happiness graph?
Can you see how our state of mind is getting affected by situations and people? Can you see? If that is my way of living, I cannot be happy always. At least it’s not possible in Kalyug. It’s not possible in Kalyug.
It can happen in Satyug. In Satyug if we say my mind is dependent on situation, it is okay. Because Satyug means perfect situations. So when there is a perfect situation and my mind is dependent on that – no problem.
Kalyug means situations will be unpredictable. If I make my state of mind dependent on unpredictable situations, Then my state of mind also throughout the day will be unpredictable. And we won’t understand why is my emotion like this? Or why is my behaviour like this?
It will set the situation right. Are you ready to give this gift to yourself? Whoever makes this their equation, how will they be throughout the day? They will be happy throughout the day. They don’t need a situation to be happy.
They don’t depend on people’s behaviour, for them to be happy. Because their state of mind is not dependent on the situation And actually the truth is – nobody’s state of mind is dependent on the situation.
So then when my mind is not dependent on the situation Then I am standing like this (in the Giving mode). If my mind is dependent on the situation then I am standing like this (in the Asking mode). Kalyug means like this and Satyug means like this. Kalyug means your energy affects me. Sathyug means my energy radiates to you.
Kalyug means give me. Satyug means I give you. When we say Devi-Devta (Deities), what does it mean? It means those who give. (Dene Wale). Look at nature. Everything that gives – we worship it. We worship Sun, we worship water, We worship Tulsi, we worship cows.
How to be happy worship :
Why do we worship? Because they all give to us. The one who gives is worthy of worship. Who are we? We are also givers. Now we are not takers, we are givers. When we give, it flows from us to the outside. When it will flow from me outside, I will experience it. Energy – I create – I radiate.
And when I create and radiate, who is the first person who will experience it? Me. When you are angry at someone, who is the first person to experience it?
But if they are weak they will say – They were angry at me so obviously I felt bad. So the weak soul will consume the anger. Which means this person has a choice whether to take it or not to take it. Does this person have a choice? This person doesn’t have a choice. The one who created anger will definitely get it.
The one to whom we give – they have a choice whether to take it or leave it. But the one who created, it has no choice. So the energy that I am going to create – who is the first person to get it? Myself. God teaches us a very beautiful line Whatever you want for yourself, keep giving it to others.
It is in giving, that you receive. It means when you give something, who is the first person who is going to get it? Me. So when I give anger to somebody who is the first person to get it?
The moment mind starts wandering, what should you do? It takes only a few days of practice. If there is a small child who is not disciplined for very long, the child keeps jumping and running all over the place. So we have to tell him to sit down, everything is fine, settle down. Likewise here somebody is coming and somebody is leaving the hall.
Why is the mind looking at them and then at another? It becomes weak. Why is it becoming weak? It has lost self control. Do not allow the mind to go anywhere, where it is not needed. Because if you keep allowing it to go where it is not needed, Then it’s not present where it is needed.
And then you will not have the power when it is needed to face your situations in life Because I have given up the power in simple things like – when somebody was getting up from the hall. We may feel – So what? They got up and I looked them. What is the big deal in it? It is not a wrong Karma. It is not wrong but it is a waste of energy.
Throughout the day, how much energy we might waste this way? Within a few days when we understand this wastes my energy, our attention will not go there. My mind should be only there where it is needed to be. If the mind wanders thinking – What is happening there, what is he doing? What is going on in her house? What is going on in his life? Then what happens to my circle? There was once a group of 25 people who came to our Retreat Centre, from a company They were given a piece of paper and told – Write down your 5 strengths and 5 weaknesses.
Of the self. Very slowly they ask the person sitting beside – What are my strengths and weaknesses? Really I am telling you. Honestly, it happened. They finished and a second sheet of paper was given. Write 5 strengths and 5 weaknesses of the person sitting next to you.
They were so quick in answering it. Yes or no? Agreed that it happens? What does it mean? It means we don’t know our own bank balance. But we know what is there in the other person’s bank account. Even if I know what is there in your bank account I can’t use that money. I can only use that money which is there in my bank account.
And I don’t even know that. Why do I not know? Because most of the time I spend in looking at others. So all of you live on my mind and then there is no space for myself. Because throughout the day I am thinking about other people. It is always about others.
Whoever we keep thinking about, That person starts living on our mind. And whoever lives on our mind becomes a part of our circle. And becomes a part of our circle We have to choose what we need to keep in our circle. So if I want to keep my circle white, The most important thing is I cannot afford to think about other people’s Sanskars.
He is like this, she is like that, they are like this… Why did she do this, why did he do that… They should not have done this… What will happen to the circle then? These are flowers. Where are they right now? They are here. It’s outside. Okay? I can pick it up, keep it here, I can do whatever I want. But the flower is outside.
The minute I start thinking about the flower Is this fresh, is it not fresh, it is red, it is yellow, Why are there only 10? And not 20? When I start thinking about the flowers, now where are the flowers? Here on my mind. You see the difference? Earlier the flowers were only outside. Now the flowers are here on my mind. Now it is no more outside. Now it’s a part of my soul and my thinking. And now it’s a part of my energy field. Knowing this, what should we think about throughout the day? We will meet people throughout the day and work with them Everyone has different Sanskars.
What do we keep on our mind? We need to keep the white circle white even by evening. So what should we take care while living or working with everyone? If somebody has a weakness If they have a Sanskar which we don’t like Where should we let that Sanskar be? Let it remain there. How to work with them? That we can decide. But let us not keep thinking about them. Because once you start thinking about them, then that Sanskar doesn’t remain only with them.
Now it becomes a part of my energy field. Suppose I need to work with 10 people today. One of them has a Sanskar of lying. One of them does not come on time. The second one is not good at work. The third one makes excuses to leave office early, no matter how much work is pending. So 5 Sanskars. Now I start thinking about them.
They always lie. No matter how much you explain, they still lie to me. This person will never change. I have been telling her for 5 years, to come on time. Till today she is never on time. She can never come on time, she does not have the habit of punctuality.
What’s happening to my circle? What’s happening is – now I have lies, delay, dishonesty – all this in my energy field.
And when this becomes dark How will the influence them to become white? I will not be able to. What did I have to do? I had to influence them to become white. But what did I do? I absorbed their dark and made my circle dark. So we did not make them white. Instead, we absorbed and became dark. This is about taking care – Dhyan Rakhna. Like how we take care before sitting on a chair.
So that the dirt on the chair should not stick to us. Likewise weakness in somebody else’s energy field should not come into our energy field. Giving them advice – yes. Disciplining them – yes. Instructing them – yes. Giving an order – yes. Thinking about them – No. Because if I do that then I have absorbed their weakness. Whoever with think of We start becoming just like them.
But today we think of the people whom we see on TV too. Why did she do this, why did he do this They should not have done like that. In the process what should I have done? This is detachment.
Detachment means be with everybody, live with everybody, work with everybody – like a lotus flower. The Deities are shown standing on lotus flower, isn’t it? We never thought how can somebody stand or sit on a lotus flower.